Britney & Xtina: Behind The Tweets

Earlier today Christina Aguilera tweeted Britney Spears. The Maria Callas of miming replied. It was a moment that united fans around the world. A once in lifetime meeting of the minds. The long hoped for coming together of two formerly relevant pop culture icons. Like most people, I was too overwhelmed by raw emotion to properly process the exchange. At first glance Britney & Xtina: A Love Story is a heartwarming tale of mutual respect and self-promotion. But on closer inspection, a very different picture emerges.

Christina can do no wrong in my book since starring in one of the greatest movies of all time but bitch is no beginner when it comes to throwing shade. And it's hard to interpret "can't wait to see what you bring in the next video" as anything but a dig. The world's unluckiest drunk knows full well that Britney is passed out somewhere in a Xanax induced coma - only to be shaken awake by her handlers when duty calls. She can hardly stand, let alone bring anything.

Not to be outdone, her bitter rival (or the person pretending to be her on Twitter) sarcastically replies "can't wait to watch you on your new show". How dare Britney point out that Legendtina is now the Paula Abdul of generation Y? The dirrty one just died inside. As far as cuntish behaviour goes, flop fatale wins in a knockout!

When Two Cunts Collide

People are cruel. I had mercifully managed to avoid this repugnant piece of filth until now - largely due to the fact that it's flopping worse than "Bionic". But then a vindictive bitch tricked me into watching the video clip over the weekend and I've been trying to exorcise it from my mind ever since. Hopefully this post is a cathartic experience that allows me to put the shattered pieces of my life back together! Legislation seriously needs to be introduced banning Brian and Dulta from recording another duet. "Almost Here" was a crime against humanity and "Mistakes" is even worse. The gruesome twosome's latest adventure is a lame song about love gone wrong. They probably thought it was witty to sing about hating each other but the rest of us just thought that Brian had a rare moment of clarity. There is absolutely no point to this. Well, apart from the obvious last ditch attempt at boosting sales of McFadden's flop album. "Mistakes" is a generic piece of trash, they sound shit together and no one really gives a fuck about either of them anymore. The smug video just makes the whole experience all the more unbearable. Australia's least favourite couple spend the clip throwing things at each other before burning my retinas by making out like born again Christians at a bible bash. Is this supposed to be edgy and cool? I don't know what's worse - Brian's hair or Dulta's incredibly bad acting. Unless Cheryl Cole releases a Christmas single with Satan, I think the year's worst song and video is well and truly upon us.