Fuck off Kate Ryan, Belgium has a new superstar!

Don't worry, you're not hallucinating. This shit is actually happening. And you know what? You love it as much I do! It's not every day that I stumble across pop trash this exquisite, so forgive me for ranting. I just want to jump on a plane right now and bow down at this angel's feet. With a minimum of fuss, Adya has singlehandedly saved pop music with her stunning Mozart cover. Yes, readers - the Belgian beauty has set "Cherubino's Aria" (from the great composer's 1786 opera "The Marriage Of Figaro") to dance beats and the result will blow your mind. Not in the least because the track is genuinely catchy and disturbingly hypnotic but it's the video that really slays me. Adya's demented grin and dance moves that she learned from her mother in 1982 are the stuff of pop trash gold. I want to know what drugs this hot bitch is taking. The scene where she's howling like a banshee against the worst green screen ring of fire in history is so defining I can barely speak. Surely, it's only a matter of time before Adya's smash spreads across Europe and worms its way to Australia. Lady Gaga is bawling in a hotel room somewhere screaming "it coulda been me!" I wonder if this has actually been successful in Belgium... chart nerds please report. The rest of you brace yourself for the ultimate viewing experience of 2011.

Get Caught In Tatiana's Spider Web

Tatiana is my new Euro-pop obsession. The stunning diva hails from Poland, where she is apparently quite a big deal - having fronted a popular band called Blue Café before going solo. After conquering Eastern Europe, Tats was up for a new challenge. So she packed her PVC catsuit and caught the next plane to London. Her first UK release is called "Spider Web" and it's adorable. A pretty mid-tempo pop song about holding on until the bitter end of a relationship, the original version is definitely worth a listen. However, for me, the ridiculously camp 7th Heaven remix can not be beaten.

This is cheesiest piece of trash I've heard all year and I mean that as a huge compliment. "Spider Web" now sounds like the best song never entered into Eurovision. The deliriously upbeat production overhaul works a treat, giving the lyrics new meaning and raising the chorus into the pop stratosphere. Even the video works better in its remixed form (below). Tatiana's fabulous jam is released on April 18 with an album - also called "Spider Web" - to follow shortly thereafter. I just wish I knew about her when I was in Poland last year. I would have stocked up on Tati's shit instead of wasting my cash on Doda! You live, you learn.