When Lambs Attack

I love lambs. They are a peaceful breed with hearts full of love and power ballads. You can usually find them at your local mall perusing the Hello Kitty merchandise or pushing bottles of Lollipop Bling to the front of the perfume counter. But when they go rogue, the results can be terrifying. Take this shocking documentary, which mercilessly dissects the state of Christina Aguilera's career. It cruelly points out that she's only sold 45 million albums and gloats about her meagre four #1 hits. While Mariah's stunning chart run will never be touched by lesser mortals - vengeful lambs should remember that sad flops like Ciara, J Lo and Keri Hilson would kill to be as unsuccessful as Xtina. Brace yourself for 2011's harshest dose of reality!

Mimi Does It Again!

I knew I was going to love Mariah's new Christmas album from the moment I saw the master class in Photoshop doubling as the cover. Mimi is so fucking shameless. I swear she's just recycled a picture from 1994 and thrown in a plastic snowman from Kmart for added effect! You'll be happy to know that the lead single is just as fabulous as the artwork. "Oh Santa" hit the net last week and I can't turn the damn thing off. Seriously, this is the legendary diva's best single since a generation of gays cried themselves to sleep listening to "Mariah's Theme" a decade ago. As far as I'm concerned, "Oh Santa" is the perfect Christmas anthem. It's cute, catchy and easy to sing along to when you're drunk! I particularly love the "ho ho hos" and jingle bells. Hell, Mimi even brings back her trademark dog whistle at the two and a half minute mark. Yes! I never thought I'd say it but I think Mariah has at least equalled the magic of "All I Want For Christmas Is You". Time will tell if it's as big as that yuletide classic but I know what song I'll be annoying my family with on Christmas morning.